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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 53474 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: How many "partners" have you had? 👀

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:01 - May 8 with 1567 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:57 - May 8 by Joe_bradshaw

Did you hear about the thirsty dyslexic who walked into a bra?


Or what about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his sole to Santa 🎅

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: How many "partners" have you had? 👀

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:07 - May 8 with 1556 viewsjack2jack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:44 - May 7 by Highjack

The doctor said to me “try not to eat anything fatty.” I said “you mean like bacon or sausages?” He said “no, fatty. Try not to eat anything.”


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Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:57 - May 8 with 1467 viewsSwanjaxs


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: How many "partners" have you had? 👀

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:12 - May 9 with 1385 viewstheloneranger

Have you heard about the guy who discovered that he's both dyslexic and gay?

He's still in Daniel!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 01:43 - May 9 with 1371 viewsairedale

To use the current definition, the last couple of pages of jokes have been hilarious.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:10 - May 9 with 1277 viewstheloneranger

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex???


Oral sex makes your day ... Anal sex makes your hole weak!!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:23 - May 9 with 1262 viewsperplex

I may get slammed for this by the drama queens but here goes anyway, German concentration commandant tell`s the camp we will now have ze game of ze football between ze Germans and the Jews, first team to touch the ball will be shot, JEWS KICK OFF.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:24 - May 9 with 1260 viewsperplex

Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:23 - May 9 by perplex

I may get slammed for this by the drama queens but here goes anyway, German concentration commandant tell`s the camp we will now have ze game of ze football between ze Germans and the Jews, first team to touch the ball will be shot, JEWS KICK OFF.


We will now have a game of ze Squash, I will drive ze steamroller.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:39 - May 9 with 1248 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:10 - May 9 by theloneranger

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex???


Oral sex makes your day ... Anal sex makes your hole weak!!


Dentist. I can see you had oral sex last night.
Patient. How can you tell? Have a got a pubic hair stuck between my teeth?
Dentist. No sir, you have shìt up your nostril.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: How many "partners" have you had? 👀

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:00 - May 9 with 1209 viewslonglostjack

What’s the main reason for divorce in the UK?

Poll: Alcohol in the lockdown

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:03 - May 9 with 1206 viewsHighjack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:00 - May 9 by longlostjack

What’s the main reason for divorce in the UK?


Marriage.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:05 - May 9 with 1204 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:00 - May 9 by longlostjack

What’s the main reason for divorce in the UK?


Football

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: How many "partners" have you had? 👀

0
Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:14 - May 9 with 1195 viewslonglostjack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:03 - May 9 by Highjack

Marriage.


👍

Poll: Alcohol in the lockdown

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:15 - May 9 with 1194 viewslonglostjack

One for Kilkennyjack..

An Irish woman goes to confession. "Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been using contradictions." "Are you ignorant, woman?" "Yes, father. Three months."

Poll: Alcohol in the lockdown

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:37 - May 10 with 1107 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:15 - May 9 by longlostjack

One for Kilkennyjack..

An Irish woman goes to confession. "Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been using contradictions." "Are you ignorant, woman?" "Yes, father. Three months."


A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Fr O’Grady after mass.

He says: “So what’s bothering you?”

She replies: “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Did he have any last requests?”

"Certainly father," she replied. “He said: “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: How many "partners" have you had? 👀

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:20 - May 14 with 985 viewsHighjack

I went in to the pet shop and asked the shopkeeper if he had any chameleons

“I’ve got no f*cking idea” he replied.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

3
Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:47 - May 14 with 965 viewsthornabyswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:20 - May 14 by Highjack

I went in to the pet shop and asked the shopkeeper if he had any chameleons

“I’ve got no f*cking idea” he replied.


My wife left me because she said I care more about football than her.

I said you can't do that we have been together for 15 seasons.

Poll: Will the PL and Championship be completed

2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:15 - May 14 with 940 viewssainthelens

Bird from Canton ends up in the Heath A&E with a string of small bulbs hanging out of her box.
Doctor asked " what's happened here love?"
She replied " well I asked my husband what's happening with the xmas lights this year?....he told me to put em up myself " !
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:24 - May 14 with 932 viewsHighjack

Swansea were playing Cardiff one day and Lee Trundle said to the rest of the team “I won’t need you lot today lads, I can beat these lot on my own”. So the rest of the team go to the pub for the day. Then later on Trundle enters the pub looking totally dejected, kicking stools around furiously.

“Why so angry Trunds? Did we lose?”

“No, we won 3:0 but I got sent off in the 24th minute.”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:24 - May 14 with 932 viewstheloneranger

Remember ladies, if a man remembers the colour of your eyes after the first date ...

Chances are, you've got small tits!!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:28 - May 14 with 925 viewstheloneranger

My wife came out of the shower today and said ...

"I shaved my pussy, you know what that means??

I said ... "Yeah, the fvcking drain is clogged again. "
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:31 - May 14 with 883 viewslifelong

Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:23 - May 9 by perplex

I may get slammed for this by the drama queens but here goes anyway, German concentration commandant tell`s the camp we will now have ze game of ze football between ze Germans and the Jews, first team to touch the ball will be shot, JEWS KICK OFF.


Bad taste..not funny.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:32 - May 14 with 882 viewslifelong

Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:24 - May 9 by perplex

We will now have a game of ze Squash, I will drive ze steamroller.


Even less funny.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:55 - May 16 with 752 viewssainthelens

Few years back I was charged with assaulting my ex mother in law.
She said she wanted decking out the back garden.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:02 - May 16 with 710 viewsBrynCartwright

I just read a book about the history of glue..

Couldn't put it down.

Poll: Artificial Crowd Noise for Premier League and Champiionship Games is...

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